Coping with Grief During the Holidays: A Journey of Memories, Connection, and Healing

By: Denese Patterson-Harvey

The holidays, filled with traditions and gatherings, can be a challenging time for those grieving the loss of a loved one. This season, which once brought shared joy, can now bring an acute sense of absence. Yet, within these emotional spaces, small rituals and cherished memories can help bridge the gap between past and present, providing comfort and connection.

For one woman, coping with the holiday season means embracing her late loved ones in subtle, heartwarming ways. Thanksgiving, for instance, carries a special weight, as it was her grandfather’s favorite holiday. To keep his memory alive, she cooks all his favorite foods, filling her home with the familiar scents and tastes they once shared. At the end of the day, the comfort of those traditions leaves her with a smile, knowing he would be happy. This simple act brings him close, transforming her grief into a moment of connection.

Grief can be unpredictable during this time, and emotions may come in waves. It’s natural to feel joy and sorrow simultaneously, and she finds peace in allowing herself to feel both without judgment. Decorating for Christmas is a bittersweet task this year, as she recently lost her sister, her only sibling. The thought of her sister, who always spent the holidays with her, brings on happy tears as she reminisces. “These are happy tears,” she explains. “It’s still fresh, but it’s comforting to remember all the beautiful times we had together.” Letting herself experience these emotions—tears, laughter, and everything in between—has become part of her way of honoring the season without forcing herself to suppress her sadness.

Finding small ways to stay connected to her sister has also been deeply comforting. Their bond ran through many shared experiences, from singing together to late-night TV calls, where they would sit on the phone eating their favorite treats, Twizzlers and Munchbars, while watching the same show from different homes. Now, she continues this tradition by eating a Twizzler at night, savoring the connection to her sister in these little acts that make her feel close, even in her absence.

The support of friends and family is another pillar that carries her through the season. Knowing she’s not alone, she relies on her husband’s comforting presence and the thoughtful messages her friends send. These small reminders of love and support help her feel seen and supported during difficult moments. “I know my husband and friends are here for me,” she says, “and having that community makes me feel like I don’t have to bear this alone.”

Spending time with her great-niece, her sister’s granddaughter, has also shown her how profoundly children can experience and process loss. She encourages the young girl to express her feelings openly, realizing that children often understand and cope with grief in their own remarkable ways. Though her great-niece’s grades have dropped slightly since her grandmother’s passing, they talk often, allowing her to work through her feelings. This openness in their relationship is a reminder that children, like adults, need space to grieve.

For many, faith and spirituality provide solace during these times, and she finds strength in her own faith. It reminds her that her loved ones are at peace and free from suffering. This perspective helps her reconcile her longing with acceptance, knowing that they wouldn’t want her to suffer in their absence. She remembers that “grief is a silent killer,” as her grandmother used to say, and remains mindful of the need to move forward without letting it consume her.

Ultimately, the journey through grief during the holidays is filled with ups and downs, moments of deep sadness, and, sometimes, joy. This season, she’s learning that it’s okay to embrace all these feelings and to find peace in honoring her loved ones in small, meaningful ways. Grief is a journey, and allowing space for both love and loss is a powerful way to keep loved ones close, even as life moves forward.