How to Support a Loved One Grieving the Loss of a Parent

By: Denese Patterson-Harvey

Losing a parent is one of the most profound and emotionally complex experiences a person can endure. The grieving process is deeply personal, unpredictable, and often resurfaces at unexpected moments. As a supportive spouse, friend, or loved one, it can be difficult to know what to say or do to help. However, small acts of support and presence can make a significant difference in helping them navigate their grief.

This article explores how to provide emotional and practical support to someone who has recently lost a parent, ensuring they feel seen, heard, and cared for.

Understanding the Depth of Grief: A Parent’s Loss Hits Differently

The bond between a parent and child is lifelong. Losing that connection is not just about saying goodbye. It’s about adjusting to a world without the person who helped shape them.

For some, the grief of losing a parent is compounded by other emotions. One grieving husband struggled more with the passing of his mother than with his father’s earlier death. While both losses were painful, he had spent most of his life with his mother, making her absence especially difficult to process. The loss left him feeling unanchored, as if a part of his identity had disappeared with her.

Grief affects people in different ways, sometimes showing up as:

⦁ Difficulty concentrating or making decisions

⦁ Changes in sleep patterns or appetite

⦁ Emotional exhaustion and increased stress

⦁ Unexpected waves of sadness, anger, or guilt

⦁ A feeling of emptiness or loss of purpose

While you can’t take away their pain, you can help them feel less alone in their journey.

Ways to Support a Grieving Spouse or Loved One

1. Be Patient and Let Them Process in Their Own Time

Grief does not follow a schedule. Your loved one may seem fine one day and then deeply emotional the next. Instead of rushing them through their feelings or trying to "fix" their pain, give them the space to grieve at their own pace.

2. Listen Without Trying to Solve the Pain

The most valuable support you can offer is simply being there. Let them talk about their parent, cry if they need to, or sit in silence without feeling pressured to respond. Sometimes, grief doesn’t need words, just presence.

“Sometimes, there are no words,” one grieving wife shared. “I just hold my husband and let him cry.”

3. Encourage Them to Share Memories

Talking about their parent can be a powerful way to process grief. Ask gentle questions to help them remember the good moments:

⦁ What do you miss most about them?

⦁ What’s a favorite childhood memory?

⦁ What are some things they used to say that stuck with you?

Reminiscing can help shift the focus from loss to appreciation, allowing them to keep their parent’s memory alive in a meaningful way.

4. Be Mindful of Milestones and Anniversaries

The first year without a parent is particularly difficult. Holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries often bring fresh waves of grief. Being aware of these dates and checking in with your loved one can show that you acknowledge their pain. Consider:

⦁ Sending a thoughtful message or call on those tough days

⦁ Encouraging them to honor their parent in a meaningful way

⦁ Helping them create a small ritual, like lighting a candle or sharing a memory

5. Recognize When to Step In and When to Give Space

Grief can come in waves. Some days, they may want to talk, while others they may need solitude. Pay attention to their cues. If they seem withdrawn but overwhelmed, offering small acts of kindness, like making them a meal, handling small tasks, or simply sitting beside them, can provide comfort.

6. Respect Their Unique Grieving Process

Everyone grieves differently. Some may cry openly, while others keep their emotions bottled up. Some need distraction, while others need deep reflection. There is no "right" way to grieve, so respect the way they choose to process their loss.

What Not to Say to Someone Who is Grieving

While words are meant to comfort, certain phrases can feel dismissive or unhelpful.

Avoid saying:

⦁ "They’re in a better place." Even if they believe this, it doesn’t ease the pain of losing them.

⦁ "At least they lived a long life." No matter the age, the loss is still deeply felt.

⦁ "I know exactly how you feel." Every loss is different, and grief is personal.

⦁ "You’ll feel better soon." Grief has no expiration date, and healing takes time.

Instead, try:

⦁ "I'm here for you."

⦁ "I can’t imagine how hard this is, but I’m here to listen."

⦁ "Would you like to talk about your mom or dad today?"

Practical Ways to Help

Aside from emotional support, practical help can make a huge difference.

⦁ Offer to help with daily tasks – Cooking, running errands, or watching their children for a few hours can lighten their load.

⦁ Encourage self-care – Grieving individuals often forget to take care of themselves. Gently remind them to eat, rest, and engage in activities they enjoy.

⦁ Suggest professional support if needed – Grief counseling or support groups can provide guidance and comfort from those who understand their pain.

⦁ Respect their need for space – If they prefer solitude at times, let them have it, but remind them you’re there when they’re ready to talk.

Final Thoughts: Walking With Them, Not For Them

Grief is not something that can be fixed, it is something to be carried. The best thing you can do for a grieving loved one is to be there, listen, and offer kindness in both big and small ways.

“I don’t try to fix my husband’s grief,” one woman shared. “I just remind him that I’ve got his back, whether he needs to cry, talk, or just sit in silence.”

By offering patience, empathy, and thoughtful support, you can help your loved one navigate their loss while ensuring they never feel alone in their grief.